June Cleaver’s Hot Pants

A list of my grievances with Mrs. June Cleaver



1. You made me believe that I would be standing in front of my stove in heels and pearls looking like I left a salon –

You failed to mention that I would have hot flashes that made me wonder if the air was even on forcing me to strip to near indecency, I would be to damn tired to wear heels, and I would still be waiting on my kid to poop so I could recover those pearls of mine



2. You lead me to believe that if I got up early and cooked a nice breakfast for my children they would kiss me on the cheek and say “ Gee Mom you’re swell”


Somehow you left out the part where I would have to pull the car in front of the bedroom window and tie a rope to their foot to pull their lazy little tails out of bed. And never once did you warn me about the dangers of a boy’s sleepy potty aim- It ain’t pretty Mrs. Cleaver!


3. You told me that if I spent all those hours cooking a meal my family would love it and sit down with me to enjoy supper together thankful for what a great woman I am.


When the words “ Are you kidding me Mom? You eat it first!” leave a child’s mouth I feel neither great nor appreciated. I do however have a much better understanding why some animals chose to eat their young.



4. Lastly you told me that I would vacuum my house daily and dust around with my feather duster and I and my home would look amazing.


I nor my home look amazing! Oh I vacuum when it works and hasn’t just been blown-up from having sucked up all G.I. Joe’s clothes leaving him shamefully naked on the floor. Dusting, seriously when your kid opens the door like 252 thousand times a day what the hell is the point. Lady we don’t have dust bunnies we have dust dinosaurs. And as for me, mother, wife, house keeper extraordinaire I have come to one very absolute conclusion about Mrs. June Cleaver…


THE BITCH LIED!!!!

Oh How I Love Fall

I love fall. I know you say that over and over my husband will say. But I really do. I don't know if it is the smells of the carnivals and the pumpkin patches or the amazing color show put on by nature. Each of these things is a reason in itself to love the season but combined it makes for one awesome time of the year.
I love the nip in the air that calls for a light jacket and the excitement of hunting season lurking just around the corner. In my house we basically live hunting season to hunting season. The phone calls from the deer stands and the toothy grins of little boys and big boys who just killed an elusive whitetail.
I love the deer that come for dinner in my backyard. I get to feed those with no chance of the boys killing them despite their protest. I love the squirrels running around the yard and the birds singing in the trees ringing through the open windows.
Most of all I love the excuse to snuggle a little closer. I love to watch college football and get just as excited as the boys. And I love to love this world our Lord has given us!