A list of my grievances with Mrs. June Cleaver
1. You made me believe that I would be standing in front of my stove in heels and pearls looking like I left a salon –
You failed to mention that I would have hot flashes that made me wonder if the air was even on forcing me to strip to near indecency, I would be to damn tired to wear heels, and I would still be waiting on my kid to poop so I could recover those pearls of mine
2. You lead me to believe that if I got up early and cooked a nice breakfast for my children they would kiss me on the cheek and say “ Gee Mom you’re swell”
Somehow you left out the part where I would have to pull the car in front of the bedroom window and tie a rope to their foot to pull their lazy little tails out of bed. And never once did you warn me about the dangers of a boy’s sleepy potty aim- It ain’t pretty Mrs. Cleaver!
3. You told me that if I spent all those hours cooking a meal my family would love it and sit down with me to enjoy supper together thankful for what a great woman I am.
When the words “ Are you kidding me Mom? You eat it first!” leave a child’s mouth I feel neither great nor appreciated. I do however have a much better understanding why some animals chose to eat their young.
4. Lastly you told me that I would vacuum my house daily and dust around with my feather duster and I and my home would look amazing.
I nor my home look amazing! Oh I vacuum when it works and hasn’t just been blown-up from having sucked up all G.I. Joe’s clothes leaving him shamefully naked on the floor. Dusting, seriously when your kid opens the door like 252 thousand times a day what the hell is the point. Lady we don’t have dust bunnies we have dust dinosaurs. And as for me, mother, wife, house keeper extraordinaire I have come to one very absolute conclusion about Mrs. June Cleaver…
THE BITCH LIED!!!!
